“Mom’s been gone this week, so Dad just let us eat candy.” –3rd grader

“My mom won’t let me get a toad, so I guess I’ll get a parakeet.” –3rd grader

“My dad sounds like an elephant when he blows his nose.” –2nd grader

“I counted all my Halloween candy and wrote down how many pieces of each kind I have. That way I’ll know how many pieces my parents steal.” –3rd grader

“My dad burped for 10 seconds at dinner. I timed it.” –3rd grader

“Yesterday, my dad was like, ‘Wrong note! Wrong note!’ So I was glad he was at work today.” –3rd grader