“Today I had a pinkish-red booger that looked like a diamond. I showed a lot of people.”

–2nd grader

“Mom said my breath smells like donkey butt.”

–1st grader

“I tooted. Can you smell that?”

–2nd grader

“Do you need a tissue?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, and wiped her runny nose on her sleeve.

–3rd grader

“I can’t smell anything. You know why? ‘Cause I have such a snotty nose.”

–1st grader

“Guess what! I got my first wiggly top tooth!”

Fingers go in mouth. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Then directly to the piano keyboard.

I love my job.

“That looks like the color of vomit.”

–1st grader, rejecting the colored pencil I offered

“Now I understand why they call it cutting the cheese.”

–flatulent 6th grader

“It had been in there a long time,” said the 9-year-old returning from a bathroom break, describing his stool in vivid detail.

“I don’t need to hear about that.”